On resilience
“Nana korobi, ya oki.”
“Fall down seven times, rise up eight.”
~ Japanese proverb
Hello, journal. Today I’m thinking about resilience, specifically how a person can, through the power of positive thought and perspective, train themselves to be more resilient in the face of adversity, both large and small. In my experience, the small things usually cause the most problems over time. I’m not sure if it’s just me, but it’s always been easier to let go when you have no choice.
My apartment caught fire when I was in my early twenties. It happened when I was at work; one of my roommates had stored some spray paint next to a faulty furnace. The combination turned out to be explosive. While the place didn’t burn completely to the ground, my poor cat, Waffle, died because he was too scared of the firemen and ran into the smoke. Nobody else was hurt, thankfully, but most of my possessions were ruined. By water damage, ironically. Though it was difficult—I had to find a new place for my girlfriend and me quickly, my roommates were devastated, etc.—I could kind of roll with it. I took on the role of the even-headed leader and helped get everyone settled. It was a lot of effort, but I wasn’t particularly stressed about it at any time. I think it was mostly because I felt like I had no choice. There was no going back and fixing it. The stuff was gone. The apartment was unlivable. The only way forward was to let go and move on. I think about that time in my life a lot, and I’ve often wondered what it was that allowed me to move on so quickly, so relatively easily. Especially when so many times after, I would spiral about much smaller problems. I have been much more stressed over smaller problems many times since then. I often think about that and wonder why.
For many years I saw this event as a minor disaster that I survived. Now I reflect on it as a moment of strength and resilience in my young life and something bad that happened that made me stronger.
Why worry about something you have no control over? I think about that a lot as well. It’s…an epidemic problem that, as I’ve grown older, I feel and worry about less and less. I let go of worrying about things I can’t control or influence. If I care about something enough, I will try and involve myself in making a difference. Otherwise, I’ll stick to what I can control: my reactions, feelings, and thoughts about a thing. I refuse to be the old man screaming at the clouds. I can’t do anything about the clouds, so I’ll just come inside and wait.
There is a Stoic practice around negative framing. Imagine the worst thing that can happen so you can be prepared for it. I wouldn’t say I like doing this, though I can see the value. What I do like doing is reflecting on the little things in life that make me happy. I do this often. What if I lost all my stuff? I’d be ok. What would I need, the bare minimum, to be happy? Turns out it’s not all that much.
This type of thinking helps in other ways as well. It allows for risk-taking—what’s the worst that can happen? Risks, if taken mindfully, can significantly enrich the experience of one’s life. Reflecting on the impermanence of life and embracing change can help reduce those things that aren’t doing us any good. I can make it easier to let go of what’s not serving us.
Time is fleeting. Things and people come and go. The present is all we have, the past is gone, and the future will be based on how we act in the present.
